give a quick unexpected thank you. and get some answers.

today I had supper with this really awesome girl. 

really really incredible.

her names courtney simmons. 

but we will call her court.

she did a HUGE favor for me and took some pictures of me and three of my best friends for part of their graduation gifts. 

and I am forever thankful for that.

she did one fantastic job.

but of course she refused to tell me what I needed to pay her for her service, so I bought her a thank you/ house warming gift. (she is moving into her raleigh home in a little over a month)

I had no idea what I was going to get her until I saw it...

I was in an antique shop one day just wasting time when I saw it.

and antique coffee cup with the cutest little mustache thing built in.

it was very her.

so I got it.

and I think she liked it!!!

we went to soppers and both had some delicious pasta. 

and we just talked and talked about all our future plans.

it was so nice to just be able to be excited about everything that is happening so quickly. 

today I was able to just sit down and tell someone all about the crazy things happening in my life right now.

so side note. I have really been struggling on deciding about what I am going to do career wise..

and I had it narrowed down to two things.

medicine and something with communications and journalism.

and I have been praying that God would help me first of all know his will, and secondly spark a little bit of a fire in me for whatever it is I am going to do.

well court is majoring in biology and is studying to become a physicians assistant. 

and hearing her talked about it just made me realize how much I really wanted that. 

and how I know that there are endless possibilities for me with a career in the medical field.

when she talked about it you just knew that that was what she was meant to do...

and now that's all I can think about.

so tomorrow I am planning on calling tampa and talk to them about what I should major in with the pre-med emphasis. 

God works in mysterious ways... and even when its in a tiny restaurant in the middle of pmount talking to a friend that I don't get to see very often, you just know when He is offering the smallest bit of guidance.

so thank you court simms. 

thanks for taking the pictures.

thanks for having supper with me.

and thanks for the support you didn't even know you were providing.

this wouldn't be the first time you helped me make a major decision (:

I love you.

I can't wait to visit your raleigh home.

and I can't wait for you to visit my tampa home, and for us to make our way to naples (:

kiss the bride, for the first time ever.

one of my BEST friends got married last saturday.
and it was BEAUTIFUL.
just like her.

her name is charity and she and I met when I moved here four years ago and started going to her church.
she was the first person to talk to me and we clicked.
she is absolutely hilarious and probably the most outspoken person I know.
later I met her best friend emily.
boy do I love her.
also insanely hilarious, dry sense of humor, and the least outspoken person I know. (until you get to know her.)
so there blossomed three best friends that I couldn't live without.

but anyways this is about charity and corey(:
they met during high school and dated for a longggg time.
then last november... I think... he asked her to marry him.
and of course she said yesss!

when she called me to tell me I was so excited for her and her ring was beautiful.
at church she was telling me about the wedding party but didn't mention my name, which was okay, as long as I was invited I would be happy to share that day with her.
then two days later she called asking me to be a bridesmaid, and of course I agreed. very happily.

I took her and corey's engagement pictures which was a blast because they both make me die laughing alllll the time.

so then last saturday they got married!!

and thank goodness they did because thats all me and emily heard about haha, just kidding charity.

and it was beautiful. 

she was beautiful.

it was just perfect.

this was their first kiss by the wayyy.

charity you made a gorgeous bride.
and you and corey are perfect for each other. no questions asked.
I am so thankful to call you my friend.
and so proud to be one of yours.
I love you!

congratulations!!!!

update.

recently accomplished are big and bold. all accomplished are bold.
just an update from a previous post.

1. fall in love.
2. graduate high school.
3. go to college.
4. visit every continent, at least all except antartica. (halfway there.)
5. go to space, I know its far-fetched but honestly it is my dream... and you can do it here.
6. take a roadtrip with just a friend.
7. take a roadtrip by myself.
8. give someone I dont know flowers.
9. ride an elephant.
10. ski in the alps. 
11. sail a sail boat.
12. skydive.
13. learn a second language.
14. have a hotdog from coney island.
15. new years eve in times square.
16. be in a movie, somehow, someway.
17. write a book. (working on it.)
18. get married.
19. have a baby.
20. egypt.
21. greece.
22. take pictures of a wedding.
23. have pizza in italy.
24. go to the olympics, as a spectator.
25. swim with sharks.
26.  be two places at once. 
27. get a pilots license.
28. hang out with a lion (favorite favorite animal.)
29. ride a motorcycle.
30. run a marathon.
31. go to the today show.
32. karaoke.
33. read all the way through the Bible.
34. watch the pittsburgh steelers play live.
35. watch duke play live.
36. watch boston play at fenway park.
37. learn to play guitar.
38. spend the night on the beach.
39. ride on the autobahn.
40. go to a drive in movie.
41. scuba dive. preferably off the great barrier reef, but I cant be too picky.
42. watch every movie that has won best picture at the academy awards.
43. be inducted into a hall of fame. (2009 aau team. woohoo.)
44. donate blood.
45. own a great dane.
46. learn to make sushi.
47. talk in front of a crowd of at least 1000.
48. go to a greek wedding.
49. go to a midnight premier.
50. randomly break into song. somewhere completely random. you know, like they do in musicals.

wear sunscreen.

to all of you young people still in high school.
I have a few words.
so listen upp.

it's really okay to not know what you want to do with your life. you don't have to know right now, regardless of what all your elderss might tell you.
so chill. take your time to decided. for now... just be a kid.

don't be a jealous person.
for any reason.
it's not a good quality.

be confident in your talents and abilities.
God gave them to you for a reason.
and even when the people that are jealous try and tear you down.
stay confident.
that will make them stop. promise.

be involved.
and try and do a lot.
but if you miss a few things to be with your family... it won't be the end of the world.

stear clear of the drama.
enough said.

look for friends in unexpected places.
because they are the best kind.

don't ignore your momma and daddy.
just trust me on this one.
continue to let them kiss your ear in front of everyone.
and continue to let them crack jokes at your expense.
trust me.

"in your life you'll do things greater than dating the homecoming queen."

don't do stupid stuff so you can be the "cool" kid.
let me tell you, you aren't half as cool as you think you are.

don't lose your sight of what really matters.
like God.
keep Him number one.

reach out to the girl that sits alone at lunch.
turns out she will make you laugh harder than just about anyone.

take a lot of pictures.
it's important.

don't skip any classes.
until you are a senior.
and then only when its absolutely necessary.

wear sunscreen.
thank you dr. frye.

and I am not going to tell you to not give up on your dreams..
this is a new revelation that I have come to.
majority of times as high schoolers we don't really know what our dreams are... we are still working on them.
but.
I am going to tell you this.
never give up on whatever it is you are doing.
never settle for second best.
and if you want something, go after it... and if you change your mind, it's okay.
you are allowed to change your mind because guess what,

pretty soon you'll be in my shoes.
and you will be entering this big world.
all on your own.
where you make the choices.
and lastly....
get ready.
it will be here sooner than you know it.

get there wayy faster than expected.

the video adds affect. trust me.

oh hello graduation,

you got here wayyy faster than I was expecting but it's nice to see you.

I kinda thought I would have like plenty of time to get ready for you but I see you like to creep up on people. 

you give me mixed emotions (as if my emotions werent mixed enough already).

I really want to be happy about you showing up, but would be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit sad.

you know, I think you give everyone mixed emotions... even if they don't admit it. 

I have a few favors to ask though...

1. could you take it easy on me tomorrow????

my week hasn't been the greatest and well I thought someone would be there tomorrow thats not going to be... and that alone makes me cry a whole lot. 

plus... I really do love high school. 

I hate the drama. ALL THE DRAMA.

but for the most part I have had the time of my life here at ESHS. and saying goodbye is going to be bittersweet.

2. could you take it easy on my parents. 

especially my momma.

her emotions are just as fragile as mine...

and well if she cries, I cry.

and as for my daddy.

well he may pretend to be strong but if he cries it is ALL over for the rest of us.

3. my best friend is singing for you.

and well she is one fabulous singer, let me tell ya.

but she really doesn't want to cry during the song...

so yeah, more emotions you need to watch out for.

4. I really hope I don't fall walking across the stage.

yeah, definitely too much for me to handle.

so don't have any random cords that I can trip over.

5. DON"T YOU DARE LET IT RAIN.

basically, I really don't want to be an emotional wreck, even though I know it will happen.

I have my waterproof mascara all ready. I stocked up on that in the beginning of the week.

and well let's be honest... I am kinda the depressing type lately.

so PLEASE. take it easy on me.

thank you thank you thank you.

love, 

autumn.

ps. remind me of all those good times..

you know when all my friends are there beside me in red.

remind me of all the memories that brought me to here.

won't stop til it's over.

"a moment,
a love,
a dream,
a laugh,
a kiss,
a cry,
our rights,
our wrongs.

won't stop til it's over,
wont stop to surrender."

feel like...

I feel like I should be okay now...
like the crying should have stopped.

like I really am going to be okay... because everyone is telling me I am going to be.
I feel like I should believe them..
but I can't.

I feel like it IS the ends of the world.
like everything I have known to be true is really just a lie.
like the one thing I thought I was so sure off, was wrong.

I feel like I should have known, even though I had no clue.
and now I am just left here in shock.

I feel like I should be excited about graduating friday,
and pumped about the beach with so many amazing people on saturday.
but instead I just feel like I could be sick.

and I am good at hiding it around people.
but this is where I can't hide it.
I can't lie when I write it all down.

I don't know what emotion this is.
it's worse than sadness.
it's not anger.

it's something altogether different.
and it's not one I enjoy having.

get it back.

I gave it away.
when I was little my mom told me to be careful.
I gave my heart away.

luckily I waited for a very long time to do so, but never the less I did it.
and a few days ago it was handed back to me.



I'll be okay, and I don't want to throw a pity party for myself.
but it really does hurt more than I thought possible, and putting the pieces back together is going to take some time.

oh God, I need some strength please.

miss that place.

so I am sitting in my first period intern class listening to my favorite teacher teach about the cival war.
I am going to miss this place.
as much as I say I hate it sometimes.
I am going to miss it.

I had a teacher come up to me today and tell me something that made me cry.
he said,
"this place is going to miss you. your smile, your personality, your athletic ability, your attitude.
you have been a pleasure to watch grow up these past four years and I wish you all the best in the future.
I am sure you will do great things."

four years ago I would have never thought I would ever get here.
after tomorrow I wont have to come to school again.
and next friday I will graduate.
I hope that this teacher was right.
I would like to think I made even the smallest difference in a few peoples lives here.

man, am I going to miss this place.